General Election · November 3, 2026

Official Jerky Ballot

Five measures. No candidates. Polls close at midnight.

Instructions to voters

Fill in one bubble per measure. Your vote is secret. Your opinion on soft jerky is not.

Measure 1

Jerky shall be recognized as its own food group.

Measure 2

Soft, squishy jerky shall be banned within state lines.

Measure 3

The last piece in the bag belongs to whoever opened the bag.

Measure 4

Every glovebox must contain jerky from November through March.

Measure 5

Jerky shall be allowed on the Thanksgiving table.

One ballot per voter. Recounts allowed. Bribes not accepted. (Unless it’s jerky.)